You might want to grab a coffee, today’s is a long one.
This mornings plans went out the window early on, as I slept through my alarms and woke in a strange and restless mood. Typically Sundays are our reset days where we do little and just relax but I felt today some time to sit and think.
It turns out we were blind yesterday to the many trail options available – though sadly the majority are much too long for the pups. Still a short walk in stunning scenery is better than no walk.
I then spent the rest of the morning researching our next country to visit, Hungary, a process that takes hours but is especially satisfying when you find quirky more unusual things. After visiting each country I should really create a summary article of the my top recommendations (food, coffee, quirky things, must see, arty) – could be a good project for the winter months.
After lunch we nipped to the supermarket which was an adorable log cabin, with locals sat by the fire. My Slovakian is non existent so she just let me go behind the desk and pick whatever food I fancied. Looking in the fridge I thought I spotted fresh pasta…turned out it was cheese strings 🤣🙈
After another glorious walk with the pups that had rather more ascent than Mark and I are used to (Norfolk is flat lol), I settled on the bed and have been working on my personal mission statement (an exercise from 7 Habits of Successful People). This is a long slow process of deep thought and introspection, but ultimately rewarding.
One element was thinking of the impression your family/friends/work/community would have of you at your funeral. How would they describe you and the life you had lived? This struck a deep chord with me. I recalled attended a family funeral and was reminded how upset I was at a priests opening description of the deceaseds hard life. Her life was painted so negatively and I hadn’t realised how unhappy she was. Our family is so coppiced and always silently at war – lava, pain and anger bubbling just below the surface. My coping mechanism has been to distance myself, stay neutral and often ignorant of the battles. In doing so I realised I had rose tinted the few memories I had of her, and never really knew her. In realising this, I now know the importance of taking time and effort to connect properly with my extended family. It’s been a thinly veiled ‘joke’, that I rarely visit and live as far away as possible…and that was before I started travelling 😥
So at my own funeral what would I hope for? The cliched ‘full and happy life ‘. To be thought of as kind, positive, generous, open and loyal. As someone who strived to push my limits, explore and be the best version of myself. Who appreciated the simple pleasures of family, friends, and the adventures of life. Someone who never stopped learning and trying new things.
I reversed the exercise and thought of what I’d hate – to be thought of as moody, selfish, greedy, lonely, negative, apathetic. One who wasted her life and saw only closed doors with no option to open. I life curtailed by fear and no ambition.
Its a powerful exercise…if you wish to…try it
I then thought about my roles and what they meant to me:
Wife – supportive, patient, loving, providing, generous (after writing these I quizzed my hubby, and would like me to do these and added listening as I keep adding dogs despite him saying no – definite room for improvement here lol)
Furmum – supplier of love, safety and treats
Friend – supportive, good listener, honest, reliable, non judgemental, generous, open and available
Community/Business – honest, successful, make a difference, valued, charitable, fair. (I have always been work centred with a desire/fear of being able to provide for my family – taking this gap year is proving hugely valuable in learning about myself and not hiding behind being a workaholic).
Daughter – I struggled a bit with this because I dont hold all the same beliefs as my parents, so I guess I want to inspire them, make them a little fearful of my actions as I push boundaries but confident I will work through anything and be supportive of their life choices.
The next step was to find quotes, ideas or notes that rung true with my core values (kindness, generosity, supportive, honest) and how I wish to live my life. These are some that felt true to me.
It sounds a bit naff, but Mabel came into my life at a difficult time. She is a rescue and is affectionately known as a grumbleweed as her nerves and past life mean she is less trusting. I love everything about her, and even though she pretends she hates the world, she has a way about her that means everyone loves her. You have to work hard for her affection…then never stop providing it. I know she trusts me, loves me and would protect me regardless of anything. I want to do my best by her, and would do anything for her. I should say I obviously love my two boys Jasper and Ernest, but they are far more independent and dont hold me to such high standards – are not so obviously needing, but get my love regardless.
I really feel this to be true for me. So often there are expectations put on you of what you should do, what you are capable of, how much you can achieve, how far you can reach…these can be other people fears and limits they put on themselves as comfort blankets. Pushing boundaries, testing your limits and self belief are hugely powerful. I still doubt myself regularly but I now recognise it has a bad habit, and try to rewrite it in my mind. If I prioritise it, then it can and will happen.
I am rediscovering the joy of learning. There is so much around us, people, places, culture, the internet, podcasts, books…if anything even slightly piqued my interest there is opportunity to learn. An open mind is surely one of the most healthy and valuable assets.
A beautifull quote by Mark Twain. It costs nothing to be kind and brings both the giver and receiver happiness. In today’s world we can be sceptical of those who are seemingly kind for no reason, but it shouldn’t deter from doing it. Let kindness be the norm.
In a recent blog I confessed a few confidence and self image issues I am working through. I am so thankful to my family and friends who reached out to me after that, to check I was ok and tell me how they saw me. They wished I saw myself as they did. I am being kinder to myself. I know that only when I love myself (both strengths and weaknesses) will I be able to love others fully.
I love wolves and they aren’t scary, but this proverb still spoke to me. We have the ability to make fear anything we want it to be, and often it will grow to something we feel we could never overcome. What if it’s a trick of the mind, a puppeteer playing with shadows?…you won’t know unless you face it…and the reward is so often all the better for doing so.
A simple thing as a smile. I love my smile, and ponder my frown line. There have been many occasions on our travels where I couldn’t properly converse due to language barriers, but a smile opened a connection regardless and we muddled through with charades and odd words. My day is always brighter for smiling. Scientifically it makes you feel better even if you were sad to start with.
Ultimately on my death bed, I want to feel happy that I lived the best life I chose for myself. Not limited by background, gender, wealth, stereotypes, or the expectations of others. I have always been proactive and see no reason that would change. To inspire myself is a great motivator to make a difference in the world, live my best life and hopefully inspire others to.
This blog is far longer and not really on travel topic but part of my personal journey. I will no doubt review this several times as I continue to work through my mission statement. It’s an enjoyable exercise that will hopefully frame future decisions. Thank you for reading and sharing in my journey ❤
SofaWolves 